Winners

I love him!  He's my first born.  The first.  The one who gets the worst of everything.   Everything he does is new to us.  The child that has overprotective parents.  The child that sooo much is expected from.   He's handsome, wonderful, kind, soft spoken, smart, funny, talented, and a person I love.  I adore him.  I love his juicy lips.  His giant eyes.  His hair!   He ran for Student Body office at school.  This is the text I got yesterday right after school.  "Didn't win".  That's it.  It's over.  He's defeated, heartbroken, and I cried.  I hate seeing my kids not getting everything their hearts want.  I hate seeing them hurt.  I hate seeing them defeated.  As I was thinking about it this morning at 1:47am to be exact, I wondered if that's how Heavenly Father feels about us?  Does he want us to get everything our hearts desires?  Does he hurt when we hurt?  Does he want to make it easy for us?  I came to this conclusion.  He's a dad.  A father. A parent.  Of course he does.  He only wants us to be happy.  But I have to admit that the times my heart has been broken are the times that I've learned the most in life.   He knows that too.  I've gained greater empathy for others.  I've learned compassion.  I've learned to work a little harder.  And I've tasted a little of the bitter that always makes the sweet taste so delicious.  So to my first born....It's only the beginning, but there is so much sweet to be had.  Just wait:)  XOXOXO

Jane

Jane Juliet Clawson was born Monday June 13, 2011 at 5:07pm.  She weighed in at 7 lbs. 11oz. and 20 inches long.  What a treat she is to have in our home.  Jane decided to come fast.  All of my children have been born fairly quickly.  5 hours from water breaking to delivery on all of them.  But Jane takes the cake.    All of my children have been very easy deliveries by most standards, but the last two babies made me decide that if I ever had another baby I was going to do a home birth.  I won't stand on my soap box, or be an at home advocate, but for James and me this was the right choice.  My last two deliveries were in the hospital, but we decided to go natural, and with nothing extra, medication or IV wise.  We went to the hospital with our minds set, but we felt like we had to fight for everything we wanted.  Hospital just do their thing the way they know best, and for most people that's great, but I hate it.  I hate shots, IV's, and the way epidurals made me feel.  Both of the last two deliveries were unattended.  Jake was born with 2 emergency room doctors running in at the last minute since no other doctor was around, and Seth was the same way.  The doctor made it the last push, and barely caught him.  I remember telling James if we ever had another baby we were doing it at home.  No pressure, no chaos, no needles, no screaming nurses.  Just us and a midwife.

By the time I realized I was actually in labor it was only an hour later that Jane was born.  So if you can do a little math, here's the scenario.  Midwife is in Layton.  I live in Avon.  Time in transit is 1 hour and 5 minutes to be exact.  Therefore Jane was delivered by her dad.  Yep, James delivered Jane and did an amazing job keeping it all together.  I knew that the midwife wouldn't make it in time, but everything was going just the same as with the last two kids.   All was perfect.  I knew exactly where I was time wise by how things were feeling.  I let James know that the midwife wouldn't quite make it, and he set to work.  Birthing tub was filled, hospital pads set out, towels warming in the dryer, and even a call to our local florist.   All went amazingly well.  She came out and immediately started crying.  She pinked right up.  There we sat, the three of us just hugging, and kissing, and being completely happy.  The midwife was on the phone with James as soon as Jane was born letting him know what to do.  He was amazing.  He's told me since, he was nervous, but he did an amazing job and never let it show.  I never felt his stress, and for me this was the most wonderful experience.  As I lay in my own bed minutes after, nursing a perfect little girl I just smiled.  James commented on how happy I looked.  I would do everything exactly the same if I had the chance.

We didn't tell many people because as you know everyone has their own opinion of home births.   Most of it is very negative.  My parent knew and every time I saw or talked to my dad he'd put in his, "Won't you please go to the hospital?"  My mom was encouraging.  She always had an encouraging word.  My grandma was absolutely relieved when I called to tell her all was well.  My sibling think I'm a pioneer who really does live in the wilderness.  I've had my own opinion of some people who deliver at home.  Everyone has a horror story.  I did a lot of research and talked to as many people as I could.  I met with a few different midwifes before picking the one I used.  Heather my midwife has been delivering babies for 15 years, and has delivered more than 800.  She was knowledgeable, smart, confident, but yet when asked about certain scenarios she wasn't overly confident.  I wanted someone who was smart enough to transport if necessary and knew her limits.  I get asked if I had regular prenatal care, and I can say this pregnancy was the best in that respect.  I had more questions answered and one on one communication with my health care provider than ever before.  Also I'm asked if I was given all the tests that a regular OB does.  The answer to that is yes as well.  The state of Utah requires a lot of testing, and even a midwife has to meet the states requirements.  Also I'm RH negative and require a rhogam shot during pregnancy, and after delivery.  Heather is qualified to do all that.  She is qualified to do a lot more as well.  I felt totally at easy with using a midwife.  I also knew what my body does, and how a normal pregnancy should be.

The other day James was talking with a friend and they asked about the baby.  When they heard about the delivery at home his response to James was, "I didn't know you were one of those people."  We aren't one of "those" people.  We're just normal people who wanted to have a baby our way.  We aren't too granola, or natural or holistic.  We don't eat organic, and I love white bread as well as wheat bread.  I shop at Wal-mart as well as Trader Joe's when I get a chance.  But having a baby at home was perfect for us.  The experience of having a baby is empowering for me.  I feel strong.  I feel like I'm a part of the whole process.  Babies are beautiful, and such a gift from heaven.  I am grateful to be a mom to 5 beautiful, perfect kids.

The Best Week Of The Year!

Hey!  Is Josh standing on his tippy toes?  He sure looks mighty tall.  I would have sucked in if I knew we were cheating!

The annual Garner Family Reunion at Bear Naked Lake was a hit this year.  Thurs. through Sat. tons and tons of Garner's, Smith's and Clawson's convened upon the family sanctuary.  What would we do without a cabin in Bear Lake?  I'm not sure we would survive.  It has become the home I think of when I think of my family.  My parents moved away from the family home all us kids grew up in years ago and the cabin is now the place I think of when I think of "mom and dad's house".  Saturday every single person was there.  Not a soul was missing.  It was wonderful.  The beach was wonderful, the Mango Slaw was delish, raspberry shakes were devoured in Garden City, night games were fun, the smores were huge, and Heavenly Father answered my prayers for a wind free day at the lake (and to get Jed and Gina back to us safely.).  That doesn't happen very often at Bear Lake.  Only when the Garner's are magically all there:)

As we left last night there were cries of, "Night Games 2011!!"  Kids and adults alike were all charmed by the weekend.  Thanks to Grandma and Grandpa G!  The cabin is magical and we loved all you did for us.  Thanks Hollie and Sam for coming from Boise and all the brothers!  I love your families, and wives and my life if happy and perfect because of you all!  I love my family!!  So till next year there are memories and pictures to remind us of the best week of the year. I cried the whole way home last night, but I know I'm not alone.  My mom's blue I'm sure, and Eric just called bawling too.  It was that kind of a weekend.  I can't wait until 2011!  Click here to view all the photos!